Not Just Any Caper, A Magic Caper!

You know what? I’m getting tired about listening to myself talk about how to fix video games. I’m going to talk about caper stories.

Actually, I want to talk about a specific one! Mistborn!

I swear to god it’s not generic fantasy!

When people pitch the book to new readers everyone typically says the same thing: “Imagine Ocean’s Eleven with magic!” Then people invariably ask which version of Ocean’s Eleven the speaker is referring to and the whole thing degrades considerably.

Mistborn is a story written by Brandon Sanderson; yes that Brandon Sanderson, the one who saved Wheel of Time. The story takes place in a hypothetical fantasy world where… well the wrong person won the final battle. As a result an evil empire has dominated the entire planet for all of known history kidnapping and murdering anyone with a magical talent known as Allomancy and maintaining a population of destitute people.

Allomancy is one of three types of magic in the franchise. It allows a person (called a misting) to consume a single type of metal and thus gain a new or unique powers for a time. People who can use all metals are called mistborn. Hence the title.

The story is about a team of criminals who basically band together to overthrow this evil empire via a very elaborate con job. That’s right, they want to con the great evil lord into defeat. Work that one out.

There are a couple of reasons why this book and by proxy the entire trilogy (and subsequent novels) stands out for me.

The thing is… I don’t really ever see this kind of thought ever put into magic anymore. And it’s nice. Allomancy has a series of clearly defined rules and limitations as to how it is used and works. Despite the fact that, yes; magic by its very nature cannot be finitely understood, having a concrete basis for readers to follow puts a system in place and it shows confidence in the writer to not use it as a crutch. It isn’t a simple means to explain how something works or achieve resolution; it’s a tool to be used by both heroes and villains that simply exists like any other plot element.

I think this is one of the major problems with low magic fantasy settings. Because there isn’t a strong magical presence it’s a foreign thing that isn’t catalogued or understood. It’s often referred to as “soft” magic in that magic itself is simply a means to justify strange things. It is as versatile as the author needs simply because he does not adequately define it. While that’s good for setting the mood and making magic mysterious, it is now commonplace and I find myself longing for a book series that dares to have hard and fast rules when it comes to their magic system. Mistborn and its subsequent books fill that need.

But the most distinct part, for me at least, with this story is the idea of a caper story set in a fantasy world. In fact I want to see more high fantasy caper stories! I don’t think Sanderson has done enough with the concept for him to really hold any exclusivity on it. There’s something about a group of protagonists with diverse personalities attempting theft that adds a relatable touch to the fantasy genre. By dispensing with high-minded ideals the set pieces can become remarkably fantastic. A bar of gold is one thing, stealing the legendary sword of time from the chambers of infinite evil has more resonance. Ever since low magic fantasy has come tin

Albeit a bit sillier as well.

And so too does this work exist.

Taking On A Wheel Of Time

When I hear people whine and complain about how long they have to wait for a new season of Game of Thrones the hairs on my neck start to stand on end as a sense of rage and anger boils through me with such a voluminous force that I contort into a being of pure malevolence and rage. One eye bulges out while the other retracts deep into its socket, my back hunches over and one hand stretches out long as the other curls against my chest as if caught in some kind of palsy and my voice becomes raspy and frail like that of an old gatekeeper. Then a simple conversation ensues.

Me: Oh… you are upset you have to wait a few months huh?

Other person: Oh I get it! You read the books huh?

And then my voice releases its strangled cry.

Me: Not just you fool! For I was a reader of THE WHEEL OF TIME!

The image for the series should have been Sisyphus pushing a stone.

The final volume of the Wheel of Time was released on January 8^th 2013. Titled A Memory of Light it closes a series that has spanned 4,056,130 words taking 22 years, 11 months and twenty-four days to see full publication and took the combined writing of Robert Jordan, a penname for James Oliver Rigney Jr., and Brandon Sanderson to complete.

Robert Jordan published the first volume on January 15, 1990. Over time his work began to extend in length from an initial projection of three books to what would become this fourteen volume literary work. The ongoing lengthening of this series has become something of a cautionary tale among more foolhardy circles.

Regretfully Robert Jordan would contract amyloidosis, a rare disease that (based on Jordan’s explanation) is contracted by eight out of a million people yearly. It is known to have twenty two distinct forms each requiring their own unique treatment. Jordan’s caused extensive heart complications which gave him a projected four years left to live.

Upon diagnosis Jordan vowed to complete the story within one final volume before his passing or at least leave as a complete a body of notes for it to be completed in his absence. Afterward it was believed that the series would be left in its existing state; for who would dare complete a series that was considered cursed?

Then along came a knight of the written word, true of heart and pure of skill, Sir Brandon of Sanderson who took up the quest at the bidding of the Queen (Jordan’s Wife). He proclaimed to the land that he would complete the quest that, thus far, was deemed an impossibility.

And the people replied, “BULLSHIT!”

But Sir Brandon rose to the quest and proclaimed upon seeing the breadth of the quest that it would take three tomes to complete. And lo the people made the motion of jerking with their hands for they had become bitter and tired and no longer believed in heroes.

But Sir Brandon did indeed complete the three tomes and thus became a knight and protector true of the kingdom, vanguard of the fans and savior of the Wheel of Time.

While my tone is an exaggeration I`ve compromised none of the facts of this particular story. The entire history of this publication reads like the rise of Galahad completing the quest for the Holy Grail which King Arthur could not. And I’m sure there’s an Arthur author pun in there but I refuse to make it.

Because we are all better than it.

Normally I`d go into a synopsis, even a light one, of the story behind Wheel of Time but fourteen tomes is a devil to summarize and even summarizing the first novel feels like an injustice. The effort required to summarize it is akin to one summarizing Game of Thrones, the first book of A Song of Ice and Fire but for different reasons. With Game of Thrones it is difficult to summarize that story as powerful revelations occur within the first hundred pages and fans are forced to simply label it as gritty fantasy and saying “Don’t get attached to characters.” With Wheel of Time it is the very definition of a sweeping epic of destiny with modern writing aesthetics. If you can imagine the story of a young hero going on a quest and facing adversity then that is effectively what happens. There are specifics of the cosmology, magic, and the fact that the title of the series is an actual reference to the innate nature of how history flows within this universe but I rob potential readers of the opportunity to explore these plot devices as they are presented in theme and in this case, I don’t want to do that.

The crippling blow to Wheel of Time came to the fact that the author decided to continue to develop his world and the characters within down to the smallest minutia with each ensuing novel. While it allowed for a much larger epic with incredible detail, it also gained a reputation for being tedious and slow paced as minor characters were given the attention normally reserved for main characters while main characters were given such grand descriptions of their thought process that it could merit a doctoral thesis.

There exists a set of unwritten recommendations on how to read the series ought be read for those who wish to dip into it casually, this includes skipping entire novels and reading the Wikipedia entries. To read the entire series is something of a dedication that mocks those who find The Lord of The Rings ponderous.

And yet, I still want to read the entire series.

You have to understand, in the 90s Wheel of Time was the quintessential fantasy book series, a position that (very arguably) hadn’t been usurped since Lord of the Rings. It sparked a new wave of fantasy readers to discover a crop of titles during that period such as Another Fine Myth, The Elvenbane, The Last Dragonlord, and I’m just talking about the books I found. Now, that doesn’t compare to the explosion of Game of Thrones but keep in mind this was during the dark internet times of the 90s long before the geek revolution. It had to make mileage in a time when geeks could only hide and box up their passions in hidden alcoves as book and TV show recommendations passed between trusted friends for fear of persecution.

And yet the saga promptly earned its place on bookstore shelves around the world as each store was always sure to carry a tome.

I may think that some of the characters act like complete and total prats at times and I may find some of the mental expositions boring… but maybe that’s my quest. To do what I’ve always believed cannot be done and sit in one of the best crafted fantasy worlds in history.

So too does this work exist.

Lost Works We Should Have

This was originally going to be my first post but I decided the Foley story would be my first real entry shortly after composing it. Then, as you know, the commencing entry was created. As a result the introductory paragraph was extend to make that entry so, what follows is edited to reflect that. Enjoy!

In the spirit of making wishes happen, in this case my wish to have my work read by people, I’m giving you my personal list of great things in fiction we never got. I’ll be touching on films, games and yes a well known book series while I’m at it. So here it is! My top list of things in fiction we never got.

Peter Jackson’s Halo

Don’t look at me like that. We’re starting with the weakest entry. To be fair though, looking back at it there was no way that this union would not have worked. The big problem with translating video games to other media is shortening the slow development of 40-50 hours of gameplay to 2-3 hours of movie.

Also the whole “Not making it suck!” thing.

We’re all thinking it.

But if there’s something Peter Jackson is known for its translating large ponderous stories and condensing them into glory. It’s really the only thing he’s known for. That and having him team up with Guillermo Del Toro to direct it would be the dream matchup for most people. Unless Joss Whedon was somehow involved.

So why didn’t it happen?

Aside from the 200 million plus price tag for a first film circa 2006 right when Hollywood was suffering a blockbuster film drought?

Personally I think the real backbreaker was the stipulations Microsoft laid down such as having full creative control of the product and according to Variety:

“include $10 million advance against 15 per cent of the movie’s gross takings, while other reports suggest that the company is also insisting on a $75 million below the line budget commitment – a sum which doesn’t include major expenses such as the amount that would be paid to the actors and director hired for the project.” – courtesy of eurogamer

Also I can recall something to the effect of the Bungie staff having effectively unlimited access to the project including flights to and from the set paid for. Either way the project never materialized considering it meant the director and producer couldn’t give the tale the good shakedown it needed to translate from one medium to the other. And if you think that Microsoft or Bungie could craft their story into another medium with creative control I invite you to read Halo: The Flood which is effectively a novelization of the first game. It’s bad. I promise.

The REAL Robin Hood movie with Russell Crowe

Its name was Nottingham and everyone wanted it.  Well not at first mind you.

So what happened was a couple of writers named Cyrus Voris and Ethan Reif the guys behind the Sleeper Cell film. They wanted to reinvent the Robin Hood mythos by doing a historically accurate story but wherein the Sherriff was the hero of the film using period accurate methods while Robin was the villain. Hey maybe we would have learned the Sherriff’s name somewhere in there too.

The film made its rounds before suddenly directors were taking second looks at the scripts until it ended up in Russell Crowe’s hands where he got attached to play the sheriff.  After that a bidding war began ending at a 1.5 million price tag paid by Universal.

So why didn’t it happen?

Well Crowe wanted to work with Ridley Scott again and Ridley wanted to do Robin Hood just not this one. This is a long story even by Hollywood standards but to shorten it for you the script didn’t go through one rewrite, it went through four. This was also happening from 2007 to 2010 which means it happened during a writer’s strike on top of it. Oh, and the final version of the script was drafted and polished during filming just because things needed ironing out.

Now Ridley Scott has a lot of great stuff to his name so I won’t bash him here. But I will point out that this came about around the time when he was contemplating making a Monopoly movie. Scott’s next project is supposedly an Alien prequel named Prometheus but it looks to be a pg-13 film and possibly have 3-D and for those of you technically minded means the film must have higher contrasting light levels. That means that you’ll have an Alien movie without a lot of shadows and darkness.

I’ll let you mull over that as we move on to the next entry.

The REAL Wheel of Time

Oh yeah, you had to know I was going to take a swing at this one.

Among literature circles this particular story is famous and it gets paralleled to what Lucas did to Star Wars (No I’m not doing an entry on the prequels. We all know what’s wrong with them.) based on various rumors and such. But for most of you I’ll condense what I know to be irrefutably true.

The Wheel of Time Franchise will be, upon its completion next year a 14 book franchise. The story was penned by Robert Jordan (penname for James Oliver Rigney, Jr.) who intended originally for it to be a six book series. However, with each passing volume the number of volumes it would have taken to completion increased according to Jordan.  When the 11^th book was published Jordan announced the final installment would be the subsequent 12^th novel regardless of the length required to successfully complete it.

He then, as many of you know, passed away before the previously mentioned 12^th novel could be completed. The novel was then handed over to Brandon Sanderson, who upon seeing the written work for the final installment decided that it would be best to split this final tale into three books leaving the count at 14.

So why didn’t it happen?

You know what? I really don’t know. All we have are snippets and rumors on this one and what Sanderson has said and it all translates to one irrefutable fact: The whole epic is just too damn big to condense. Jordan crafted a Leviathan of a series from his original six book concept where every character, even a minor one, is important and has a voice that must be heard. Fans will outright debate where the series falls apart in terms of quality some say at book three, I personally tapped out at book five, others say that beyond book eight up until Sanderson took over, you can just read the wiki entries for them.

I have no clue what a six volume Wheel of Time series might have looked like (beyond being shorter) and after Sanderson stated that it was impossible to condense the 12^th book into one installment I question if the series would have functioned in six installments.

I think we can all agree though; there are parts we would have cut.

The final Legacy of Kain game.

In the history of gaming there is a rule that the more cut scenes you have in a game, generally, the worse it is. The exception that proves this rule is the Legacy of Kain franchise which, by far has the best goddamn writing and story in videogame history.

No, don’t try to contest it, I’ve checked. It’s the best.

Which is a shame because it doesn’t always have the best gameplay.

The Legacy of Kain is a story about the titular character Kain, a human who was murdered and turned into a vampire so he could get vengeance. However, he finds himself a crucial piece of a massive game of chess between gods and demons where morality isn’t relative, it isn’t even a factor. Kain, over the course of the five games, attempts to rewrite the destiny set before him to finally have control over his own life.

What follows is an immense epic involving concepts of godhood, betrayal and manipulation on a Shakespearean level.  It is also has time travel and elder gods in it so by definition it’s awesome. In fact, I don’t care if you never play the game. Just read through a Let’s Play of it to enjoy the story.

Anyway, the last installment in the franchise titled Defiance had Kain and his former lieutenant Raziel trying to fight the various forces set against them. As the game wraps Kain has finally learned whom he’s been battling his entire undead life in a secret war that’s spanned thousands of years across time and is armed with the one weapon that is capable of harming it. The stage is set for the final battle where Kain will at last take his true destiny on his own terms with nothing standing in the way except for a soon-to-be body count.

So why didn’t it happen?

Well, like I said, the games were carried on their story, not so much on gameplay. Especially in the final few installments.

You see the franchise was developed first by Silicon Knights with Blood Omen who created a top-down 2d adventure game with a vampire as the protagonist. The game was comparable to Legend of Zelda for its size and variety of arsenal, but the story and tone were considerably more amoral and violent.

The next installment, Soul Reaver moved the story into full 3d and had a sprawling post-apocalyptic vampire empire to explore with various new superpowers.

The subsequent installment Soul Reaver 2 however kept the story and improved the graphics to the point where the characters became beautifully emoted Seriously! Look at it! But the game effectively was stuck on one long rail that the player had to travel along back and forth until returning to the place where you began at the start of the game… five hundred years earlier.  This hampered a lot of reviews.

In addition the black sheep of the franchise Blood Omen 2 was filled with bad, hack and slash gameplay, little story and wasn’t much more than a series of fights escalating in difficulty. It was so bad that the final installment Defiance, did only moderately well and Eidos, the holders of the IP at the time had to decide between it, Tomb Raider, Deus Ex and Hitman over which series to sustain and which to let die. Yeah, Deus Ex and Legacy of Kain got the axe.

Unfortunately, time hasn’t made the job of returning to this game easier. The series lost designer Richard Lemarchand and Writer/Director Amy Hennig to a little known franchise called Uncharted. Also with the passing of Tony Jay (who played Megabyte on Reboot among other great roles) , the voice of the major villain and Kyle Mannerberg who was given control of project after Hennig left.

Still, Square Enix bought out Eidos and revived Deus Ex into a critical hit so who knows? If we need to recast Tony Jay I vote for Christopher Lee for reasons that should be blatantly obvious. Also we need to drive to Amy Hennig and Richard Lemarchand’s homes with a truck full of money. MAKE IT HAPPEN SQUARE ENIX!

Crusade with Schwarzenegger

Let’s get back to movies for a bit and take on something a bit older. Way back in the early 90s there were talks to have Arnold team up with Paul Verhoeven of… you know what? If you don’t know then look him up.  I’m not holding your hand for this one.

Anyway the duo teamed up once more after Total Recall (there, I threw you a bone) to make a movie that by all accounts would have been a one man version of 300 a decade early. It had Arnold as a medieval serf escorting the true cross of Jesus Christ, by himself, back to Rome.

I don’t think I need to say more about this.

So why didn’t it happen?

Well the studio decided to raise money by taking a shot on a cheaper production in the form of a Pirate movie called Cutthroat Island one of the greatest film bombs in history and closed out the studio.  On top of that Verhoeven went on to direct Showgirls in the interim, another horrible movie despite nude scenes.

Arnold did what he could to revive the project afterwards but couldn’t and eventually became governor. However a part of me thinks that the film The Book of Eli might very well have been the recycling of Crusade given more than a few similarities in overall plot but who knows?

And last but not least…

The remaining four seasons of Carnivale

Oh where to begin with this sucker?

In its time Carnivale was something you imagined David Lynch, Tim Burton and Neil Gaimen cooked up on a bad acid bender. But it was good too! It was a show on HBO and it dealt with a shifting narrative. That should tell you all you need to know.

Okay you twisted my arm. I’ll keep going. Take the great depression, add visions for everyone (viewer included), Masonic lore, an evil priest and just for fun a circus and you have the show. Oh and throw in great writing and acting while you’re at it.

This series was by all reviewer accounts a magnificent behemoth that saw record numbers for HBO as it displayed the pivotal battle of good vs. evil while questioning the nature of both. The second season finale gave all appearances of shaping up for at least a third season close to the story if need be.

So why didn’t it happen?

Ah, dear reader as much as HBO may seem like a network made of money where good ideas go to be crafted into tasteful well developed series until their story wraps up in a superbly crafted finale at the right time, it is in fact not and HBO just didn’t have the money it would have taken to keep that ship going. As the story goes the show did not meet the ratings in the second season HBO hoped for it especially when they were doing Deadwood and Rome was on the horizon.  I wish there was a better story behind that but sometimes that’s what it boils down to.

If you’re really screaming for vengeance you’ll be happy to know that HBO didn’t really bounce back from that call until True Blood and Game of Thrones.  It also now occasionally feels the jab at its viewer base from Starz with Sparticus, Showtime with Dexter and The Borgias and AMC with Mad Men, Breaking Bad and Walking Dead. Okay so mostly from AMC.

Also in a nice bit of apropos twist Carnivale series creator Daniel Knauf ended up working on Sparticus the show many people consider to be a better, bloodier and more sex-filled version of Rome. So points to you sir!

And so too does this work exist.